Perception: Generally speaking, how do you think others perceive you?

[natoth_muse]

Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5


Honestly, the opinion of a society has no special value for me. More precisely, I am independent enough to do some things how I want, instead of as it is necessary for other people.
But I would be hypocritical if has told, that I am not interested that some people think of me. And my trade obliges me to keep up own actions. I am diplomat, and my behaviour should not compromise me in opinion of a society. I as though am under a magnifier. Any insignificant offence which could remain unnoticed at the usual person, can become the end of career for the diplomat.
And consequently I am cautious. I try to watch reaction of people. It strains me sometimes. It forces me to carry a mask. Some masks. One for friends, another one for my enemies, the third mask for people with which I face on work.
And one mask, my true face, I reserve for myself.
So what people see in me usually? Let to assume...

Some people see me as the woman with strong will, punctual, as faithful attache and the warrior in diplomat's skin.
Ill-wishers could add, that I am ruthless arrogant bitch, cynically achieving her agenda, that I am quick-tempered and dangerous in anger, and that innocent people and my relatives frequently unduly suffer because of my fits of fury. They will tell also, that I do not forgive insults and rather vindictive. They will tell, I have cocky character and seldom evade from fight.
Ambassador G'Kar knows, that I can entrust the most delicate assignment, he was already convinced, that I am able to keep another's secrets pretty well. He knows also, that I am able to make of the decision independently, therefore I do not need in constant trusteeship, and I have own sight at some things which not always coincides with his opinion. Also that I always put needs of a society above personal.
I know, many people, even those whom I think as friends, are afraid of me, afraid of my aggression.
When I come in any bar, I hear, how men behind my back name me as hot chick, but the majority of them are too shy to approach to me and to tell it to me to face.

My father always counted me his little girl, even when I became adult. Perhaps, he was the unique person who knew about some my weaknesses...
The guardsmen protecting me in Centauri prison, I hope for it very much, have remembered me as the dangerous predatory animal, ready to rush on them at an opportunity.

I look as the winner in people's eyes, as the one who always rises on legs even if the destiny severely knocked me down.
And I like to show to people this my side only. My fears, my doubts, my feelings is that I prefer to hold deeply inside.

Comments

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

I understand what you mean about masks and the like. When one is representing another's interest (whether it be commerce or governmental), it's necessary to wear another face.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

Masks are basis of our society, Roger. It is not always bad, even on the contrary. It is considered an attribute of bad education when the person dares to show some emotions publicly in my society.
We always had strict laws concerning it. That is allowed to a member of the First Circle, is forbidden for plebeians. I know, many aliens count Narns as quick-tempered violent barbarians. Yes, anger, its, perhaps, unique emotion which we prefer to not constrain in ourselves, but... only if it is not display of weakness.
As to another faces... I have them, but I do not feel pleasure, when I carry these masks too long.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

I think nearly all of the societies I've run into have had their various masks. They may not be all quite the same, but they serve the same purpose.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

I do not know, whether is it accepted to carry special masks on a case of war in your society. When Centauri occupied our world, we had to carry such masks too long. I think, some people could not get rid of it till now.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

We haven't really had war since The Event. However, there is evidence that there was a war some time before it.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

What exactly evidence?

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

Destroyed buildings. Part of Manhattan sunk into the bay.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

I think, if you had war before your Event,there are should remain though any records... If not electronic, but on a paper... Cannot be, that all was lost or has been destroyed...

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

The records were destroyed a long time ago when people panicked. They destroyed anything they could get that reminded them of the cash. That happened the year before I was born.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

Thats bad...
sighs
My people knows and remembers the enemy who has destroyed our world, but I'll not tell, that it makes our life of quieter...
But if it was war... What if your enemy still somewhere beside?

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

There are very few people left in the world outside of Paradigm City. There were many attempts made to contact other places, but no one ever answered.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

Why? Because of radiation or any other reasons? We can live only in large cities now... Because hurricanes constantly storm in other places of our planet. Consequences of bombardments. Scientists speak, that it will last centuries, even despite of Minbari's manipulations with weather.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. Since we don't know what happened, I can't say. However, there's no radioactivity in our area, nor in the wasteland beyond.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

speaks thoughtfully
Those things, that you describe, speak, that your people have lost this war. But who was your enemy? Here is a question.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

speaks thoughtfully
Those things, that you describe, speak, that your people have lost this war. But who was your enemy? Here is a question.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

No one knows. Another mystery in a city full of them.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

sighs
Honestly, Roger, I always hated such mysteries. Ambassador G'Kar found them intriguing, but I always preferred clearness. If there is an enemy, then such enemy whom I can reach, "yes" whether or "not", without irritating half-words...

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

You'd be very unhappy there. Everything's a mystery and if you've over 42 years old, even your birth is a mystery.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

nods with a smile
Yes, I would feel like a little confused. But in fact you were born in this world so should get used to such state of affairs somehow. What is it to live in such world? In the world without the past?
We have lost many things from the past, too. Someone grieves over it, but I see our young generation... And I understand, that they have accustomed in the new world, among new laws. The past is only a legend, which their parents repeat to them, I do not think, that they would like to live in it.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

I live with the idea that humans will always continue. We're a pretty flexible species.

I can understand your younger generation. You grow up in a world different than your parents and you don't understand what they're talking about. In our case, we couldn't understand why they seemed to miss things so much.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

nods
Yes, ambassador G'Kar always admired with this quality in Humans. He advised Narns to study in this ability at you in his Book.
You know, it is uneasy for us. We always considered, that our strenght consists in stability and fidelity to traditions. Some our laws and customs did not change one thousand years. Perhaps... perhaps, only the strongest shake-up as war, for example, could force us to refuse them.
Who knows, probably, what happened with your world, was only way to get rid of similar laws?

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

Perhaps. Whatever it was, it was planned and it was executed. It was too well-done. Whether or not the people alive at the time, for the most part, knew about it or not, we'll never know.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

Perhaps, the best way to cope with it, it just to live and to not look back.
Though some our laws would demand finding-out of the reasons, even to revenge.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

Well, I do prefer to move forward. It's the only way to move.

You may want to revise some of those laws.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

Alas, we have misfortune to remember that happened with us and who was responsible for it.
Many of us understand, this tradition is obsolete and does not work correctly in new conditions, but the revenge and the right on it is a basis of our life. If we shall pull out this core, our society will fail. I do not doubt, what we shall rise again as we did in the past, but whether will we be same people, as in the past? I know, our government has serious debate each time when speech comes about this law.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

Change is inevitable or you stagnate and never get anywhere. Perhaps that's what you need to focus on.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

Yes, many people understand it. But there are those ones who speaks that we should not forget our past for who does not remember the past is doomed to repeat it.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

Which may be quite true, but it's also true that living in the past will only hold you back.