Perception: Generally speaking, how do you think others perceive you?

[natoth_muse]

Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5


Honestly, the opinion of a society has no special value for me. More precisely, I am independent enough to do some things how I want, instead of as it is necessary for other people.
But I would be hypocritical if has told, that I am not interested that some people think of me. And my trade obliges me to keep up own actions. I am diplomat, and my behaviour should not compromise me in opinion of a society. I as though am under a magnifier. Any insignificant offence which could remain unnoticed at the usual person, can become the end of career for the diplomat.
And consequently I am cautious. I try to watch reaction of people. It strains me sometimes. It forces me to carry a mask. Some masks. One for friends, another one for my enemies, the third mask for people with which I face on work.
And one mask, my true face, I reserve for myself.
So what people see in me usually? Let to assume...

Some people see me as the woman with strong will, punctual, as faithful attache and the warrior in diplomat's skin.
Ill-wishers could add, that I am ruthless arrogant bitch, cynically achieving her agenda, that I am quick-tempered and dangerous in anger, and that innocent people and my relatives frequently unduly suffer because of my fits of fury. They will tell also, that I do not forgive insults and rather vindictive. They will tell, I have cocky character and seldom evade from fight.
Ambassador G'Kar knows, that I can entrust the most delicate assignment, he was already convinced, that I am able to keep another's secrets pretty well. He knows also, that I am able to make of the decision independently, therefore I do not need in constant trusteeship, and I have own sight at some things which not always coincides with his opinion. Also that I always put needs of a society above personal.
I know, many people, even those whom I think as friends, are afraid of me, afraid of my aggression.
When I come in any bar, I hear, how men behind my back name me as hot chick, but the majority of them are too shy to approach to me and to tell it to me to face.

My father always counted me his little girl, even when I became adult. Perhaps, he was the unique person who knew about some my weaknesses...
The guardsmen protecting me in Centauri prison, I hope for it very much, have remembered me as the dangerous predatory animal, ready to rush on them at an opportunity.

I look as the winner in people's eyes, as the one who always rises on legs even if the destiny severely knocked me down.
And I like to show to people this my side only. My fears, my doubts, my feelings is that I prefer to hold deeply inside.

Comments

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

Alas, we have misfortune to remember that happened with us and who was responsible for it.
Many of us understand, this tradition is obsolete and does not work correctly in new conditions, but the revenge and the right on it is a basis of our life. If we shall pull out this core, our society will fail. I do not doubt, what we shall rise again as we did in the past, but whether will we be same people, as in the past? I know, our government has serious debate each time when speech comes about this law.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

Change is inevitable or you stagnate and never get anywhere. Perhaps that's what you need to focus on.

[natoth-muse.livejournal.com]

Yes, many people understand it. But there are those ones who speaks that we should not forget our past for who does not remember the past is doomed to repeat it.

[rogersmith-bigo.livejournal.com]

Which may be quite true, but it's also true that living in the past will only hold you back.