natoth_muse: (hmm)
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5


Whether do I friends easily?
Hardly. I need some time to get used to the new person, to look narrowly at him. I am not inclined to be frank with strangers. Moreover, I'm seldom frank even with those people which I can name as "my friends". I know, not all people like such manner, but it is my old habit and I am not going to change it in near future.
I believe, I can be counted unsociable even from the point of view of my people. But this fact does not bother me at all. I always had very few friends. Even in the childhood. Perhaps, it was is connected with the misfortune, happened with my grandfather. My family did not want to make his illness by property of publicity, therefore I never invited neighbour's children with whom I played in our house. However, I played with them very seldom because counted it too frivolous pastime.
But I did not feel like the lonely hermit. My cousin Na'Yer successfully replaced the whole band of friends to me.He was my most faithful friend. And I hope, that this connection only became more strong with time...
But I do not like to talk long time about myself. Especially in front such wide audience. Therefore I want to talk about the other moment.
some musings about Narn friendship )
natoth_muse: (schrock)
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5



My people is known for irascibility. I can not tell, that I am an exception to the rules. You can anger me easily, and I am vindictive enough.
And still, if to eliminate annoying trifles, I'll try to list things that enrages me most of all.
what makes me angriest Narn in world )
natoth_muse: (hmm)
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5


In what sort? If to speak about physical comfort, perhaps, it will seem to you odd, but it's... weariness. Muscular weariness after intensive training. When you feel an easy pain in whole body, but it is a pleasant pain. It helps to feel your body, and it encourages, strangely enough.
I also like to be in a dark room where are candles flickering, perhaps, the favourite book and the breen made by the father...he was the excellent cook, and I liked, when he did it specially for me.
If to speak about comfort of soul... Perhaps, it happens, when you have achieved any very important purpose, and feel, that it is important not only for you, but also for other people. When you know, that your existence in this world is filled with sense.
I felt something in this sort, working with the ambassador G'Kar. To me it was comfortable to be near to him. We as though were on one wave... Though we were very different people. I would like to find such mutual understanding again...
natoth_muse: (hmm)
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5


I had many such encounters if to think carefully. Usually the degree of importance of such events is realized some time later. I could tell, that my first meeting with ambassador G'Kar was something fatal, and I would not be mistaken. But it could not be, if I have not met Y'Tar, the wife of my former chief Li'Dak some months before.
It happened, when I experienced some kind of crisis of belief. I have realized suddenly, that all my work here is a vicious circle and I felt, that lose myself in infinite intrigues. I have not been created for this purpose. I felt like sick each time when did something that was not pleasant for me. I was arrogant and wanted to achieve something greater, than to be the aide of grumbling Counselor. But I should offer something to promote, to achieve something greater here... And it meant to betray my principles, to cease to be myself.
There was special severe world in Palace of Kha'ri, and if I wanted to work here further, I should make this choice.
Otherwise it would mean impasse. They would not pass me above. It was the law of this place.
And when I was on the verge of despair, thinking about this situation, madam Y'Tar called me and has told about the new project which just started to work.
Space station Babylon 5. Diplomatic mission.
Read more... )
natoth_muse: (myself)
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5



Honestly, the opinion of a society has no special value for me. More precisely, I am independent enough to do some things how I want, instead of as it is necessary for other people.
But I would be hypocritical if has told, that I am not interested that some people think of me. And my trade obliges me to keep up own actions. I am diplomat, and my behaviour should not compromise me in opinion of a society. I as though am under a magnifier. Any insignificant offence which could remain unnoticed at the usual person, can become the end of career for the diplomat.
And consequently I am cautious. I try to watch reaction of people. It strains me sometimes. It forces me to carry a mask. Some masks. One for friends, another one for my enemies, the third mask for people with which I face on work.
And one mask, my true face, I reserve for myself.
So what people see in me usually? Let to assume...
Read more... )
natoth_muse: (myself)
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5


I think, these things happened with me repeatedly. But the silliest thing which I should do, its, undoubtedly to put on that disgusting Centauri gown. Yes, I understand, ambassador G'Kar and Londo Mollari have thought up it not for the sake of an entertainment but to get me out of prison, I understand, we had no other decision of this problem, but... All the same, it was so humiliating.
Let's leave a dress alone though I'll tell, it was awfully inconvenient. Only that fact, I have very much grown thin for these two years has enabled me to pull it on myself, and I'll not speak about the damned corset...
I understood, that there is no sense to complain of these insignificant details in my pity position. I should concentrate on keeping balance and to not fall in the middle of Royal Palace to an entertainment all this Centauri court. Honestly, I should learn how to go anew, so this process has borrowed all my attention, and I did not listen to chatter of Mollari too much.
I think, I should not pretend drunk as it has been conceived. When I went on a Palace, I was already drunk... And I should not drink something for this purpose. Fresh air intoxicated better than wine.
If not G'Kar's words, I would fall there because my legs were too weak and shivered, I felt giddy and could not breathe under this damned veil... But I knew, that the ambassador believes in me, in my will power, and I did not want to disappoint him.
Therefore I ordered to myself and to my weak body to keep and go forward. Step by step.
Let it looked funny. I hated this damned gown, hated these Centauri, and my hatred has given me energy.
Thanks G'Lan and G'Quan, I did not remember, how we have left Palace, perhaps, I have lost consciousness... I do not know.
But G'Kar has told to me then, that I have reached a shuttle myself. I have not fallen. I did it.
And when I recollect this moment, I try to not think of that silly gown, or of how foolish I looked then, but I think of my small victory.
natoth_muse: (Default)
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5
Timeline: automn of 2259, Babylon 5 space station


Na'Toth come in apartments of ambassador G'Kar holding in hands the folder with the new correspondence and a box of data-crystals.
" The report from the government, ambassador! - she has told. -Ambassador? Where are you?"
G'Kar jumped out of kitchen with a towel on the shoulder.
" Ah, Na'Toth, here are you! Put it on a table and go here, - he has told, wagging with the spoon, - First, I'll treat you with my most tasty breen, and second, they will show that ISN interview today. I do not want to miss it. I feel, this woman, Cynthia Torqueman, conceives something. Probably, I should not be given interview to her… "
Na'Toth wanted to tell, that warned him concerning this woman, but kept silent and sat down on a couch.
G'Kar quickly put breen on plates and watered it with dense sauce. Aroma was appetizing. Narn attache admired with his culinary skill again.
" Oh, it already begins! - G'Kar started, having sat down on a couch near to her, - All right, let's look, what they have made there! "
Read more... )
natoth_muse: (hurt)
Muse: Na'Toth
Fandom: Babylon 5


Na'Toth sat in her quarters in front of computer leaning elbows about a table. Then she deleted the text which just dictated on the computer. Again. Narn woman sighed heavily, having closed eyes. It is hard to admit own defeat … It seems, she has lost this place. Hardly ambassador G'Kar will suffer her presence at station after that she did with him… He, of course, shown nothing he didn't shown her that is dissatisfied with her actions, but Na'Toth had time to study enough his habits to not give in on this deceptive good nature. Her heart was painfully squeezed, as she recollected G'Kar's words which she involuntarily heard that day when he was kidnapped by Tu'Pari. She had to hear record of conversation of the ambassador with Kha'ri to understand, that exactly happened there.
G'Kar demanded her immediate reassignation. And Kha'ri promised to arrange it.
Narn attache clenched her fists. Probably, fury and the insult which overflown her after she heard this conversation, have helped her to find the assassin and his victum for record-breaking short term. She become angry on herself, on G'Kar, on Tu'Pari and it has given energy to her. Na'Toth almost did not pretend, when she banged the ambassador. It has given to her cold comfort … she wanted to cause him a pain... to revenge though somehow... Because... she did not like to lose … But in this case she has lost … it is time to admit it.
Schrock, she has been deceived as last idiot! Well, all right, she will take care, that that bastard Tu'Pari will paid for committed by him wholly, and hardly he will get off only with broken glasses!
Na'Toth tried to type the text again. No, she will not allow such shame! She will not allow, that they have withdrawn her, as though she is the inept loser. She will leave herself. She will ask to give her assignment in other place …
Na'Toth stopped to type the text. She will not come back home in any case. Bridges are burnt. It is better to disappear here! At Down Below, at least. The destiny of the lurker is better, than so shameful returning home, on the Narn, in this aimless movement on a circle …
Attache torn off these sad reflections, having rubbing the forehead. One thing pleased her: they have broken plans of Thenta'Makur. And Tu'Pari will not avoid the revenge of his colleagues!..
"It was necessary to beat G'Kar even for the sake of it… - she thoughts gloomy, - but the place is lost for me...What a pity!
There is Babcom ringed in the room.
"Yes," - she said.
The ambassador G'Kar's face has appeared on screen.
"NaToth, our common friend come to the senses, at last. I have bought for him the ticket for evening flight, - he told, smiling, - Its time to put into practice the second part of our plan. I wait for you at 4-th dock in a waiting room. Be not late!"
The polite smile instantly appeared on her lips.
"Do not worry, ambassador, I'll not miss such fun!" - she answered, rising on legs.
As soon connection was ended, Na'Toth looked at the typed text on the screen of her computer. All right, she will finish it in the evening. When they will understand with Tu'Pari, she will submit to G'Kar the application on leaving...
If she should leave, it will take place on her conditions.
natoth_muse: (what's)
Write a few words about the following:

What you like about me

What you don't like about me

How would you improve my life

How you life would change if I was not around.

Post this in your journal and I will tell you what I think about you as will other people
natoth_muse: (schrock)
Roger Smith! I did it! Damn you!!!
natoth_muse: (Default)
Can somebody explain me what is "karma"?
natoth_muse: (smile)
Truth or Dare?

01. Reply with a comment and I'll tell
you which one I want, either truth or a dare. Dares should pretty much
stay within my LJ or LJ-verse, and not be anything that will get us
reported to LJ Abuse.

Also, try to keep it to something I can do within one day, absolute tops.

02. I either answer the truth/perform the dare.

03. In return, I get to ask you "Truth or dare?"





natoth_muse: (smile)
Does your mun got tired sitting in stuffy office?

Does your muse never was on a beach?

Do you dream of sea waves?

Do you feel like lonely?


Does your muse searches for new unusual adventures?

Don't worry and be happy!




Interlude

[livejournal.com profile] natoth tries to choose to herself a bathing suit. [livejournal.com profile] natoth_muse looks at her with suspicion.
- What do you do, mun?
- I am going to go for the beach. I always dreamed to swim for a while in the sea.
- The sea?
- Are you never were on the sea, Na'Toth?
- No...
- Then take your towel and go with me. I want to organize a modest quiet party on sea beach.
Narn woman looks disturbed.
- What's party? Why I learn about it in last minute? The towel? What for?
[livejournal.com profile] natoth has found the bathing suit and puts it on facing to the mirror, sighs critically:
- The summer already comes to an end, and I am not sunburnt absolutely!
[livejournal.com profile] natoth_muse is puzzled finally.
- Sunburnt?
Mun sighs again.
Its too long to explain. I hope, have you any bathing suit?
- What for? What is it?
- All right, I think, we somehow shall get out. We should hurry up, our friends already wait for us on the beach.
Narn warrior tries to stop her mun.
- Look... But you are not able to speak English! It means, I shall apologize for your pronunciation and numerous mistakes again!
Mun nods.
- Oh, thank you for that has reminded me of it!
She throws in her bag the thick English-Russian dictionary and a pack of a paper.
It will help me to break a language barrier! So... let's go!
natoth_muse: (Default)
Na'Toth felt strange discomfort and dizziness at the moment of transition, but in her ears words of Zathras still sounded. What did he meant, when has told, what her life is similar to film?
She began to recollect, that represented these films from itself . Once Mr. Garibaldi managed to entice her on viewing of his loved cartoons.
These Humans are such strange creations.
Then she has fairly admitted Garibaldi, that she does not understand sense of that occurs on the screen.
He has burst out laughing and has told, what exactly senselessness of these cartoons is pleasant to him most of all.
But then he has given her a few datacrystals, and has told, that there are written down old Earth movies.
It, as it seems to me, should you like, - he has told.
She has watched these movies. Some of them even have liked her.
Humans are accustomed to divide the movies into various genres.
Na'Toth has reflected again. If her life is a film, what it would be film?
Perhaps, her movie would name horrors with elements of a Sci-Fi and a drama.
Na'Toth has recollected an amusing mark, by which some movies from a collection of Mr. Garibaldi were accompanied.
She would not advise to look this film to children till 17 years.
sad laughter
Humans are so amusing creatures!
And who would play you?
ominous laughter
I do not envy this person.
natoth_muse: (Default)
I would like to live on Narn in those ancient times, when it have not devastated by Centauri yet. Then on my planet rich woods grew. I would like to live in the world, where Centauri does not exist.
Centauri have won my world, plundered and destroyed it within 100 years. Now almost did not remain woods here. They have poisoned everything, what they touched.
Where I would like to live?
If I had opportunity to turn all back, I would lodge in the house with a view on the sea.
I never saw the sea. I saw only sand and rocks.
If such house was at me, I would walk on seacoast each day, and then would wander on a wood.
They speak, earlier in our woods grew surprising plants, which blossomed all year ...
sad smile
But it only dreams...
When I lived at station, my liked place were Gardens. When I looked at flowers, growing there, when I listened to singing birds...
It seemed to me, that I have returned to that house for one instant, in which I always would like to live ...

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